How Tom and Katie Party Now

Tom Cruise may be a 50-year-old divorc with several children, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hit the club every now and then. He was in New York City doing press for his new movie Jack Reacher on Monday, and after he was done with his work, he headed down to the cool-kids hotspot Le Baron, in Chinatown. I mean, that is super cool-kids. It doesn't even open 'til 11! Apparently "other guests were slack-jawed to see him stay till closing," which I'm sure they were, and good for him for staying out til 4 a.m., but how many other guests could there have been on a Monday night? Is that a big clubbing night? Who knows. And was Cruise drinking? It doesn't say. So, lots of unanswered questions here. One thing we do know for sure is that Cruise was at Le Baron instead of going to see his son Connor do a DJing gig at the Darby. He wanted to go, but they were concerned about security, so he went to Le Baron instead. Which, that's fine. Honestly? I don't know that Connor should be encouraged in his DJing. Why is it that every kid of a famous person wants to become a DJ? It's one of the lamest things, and it should stop. Like, no, Connor. No. You are Tom Cruise's son. And you are 17! Who gets DJ gigs at the Darby at 17? Oh, right, Tom Cruise's kid. It's all just too much. Go to college and learn something. Then if you want to DJ, DJ. But use a different name. Anyway. Tom Cruise goes to nightclubs, guys. Does that mean we should all start going to nightclubs? Are there any cool ones that open at, like, 6 o'clock? That'd be a lot easier. [Page Six]

While that whole scene was playing out, or rather the next morning, Cruise's ex Katie Holmes had a birthday breakfast to celebrate her 34th. Yeah, she and some friends had mimosas and Bloody Marys and they laughed and talked about career and politics and culture and all that. It was a lovely time. Ha, no, I'm just kidding. Katie had birthday breakfast with Suri and one of Suri's friends, the three of them sitting there eating pancakes, and then the staff brought out "a homemade vanilla sponge cake layered with strawberry jam and vanilla buttercream with frosting that spelled out 'Happy Birthday Katie.'" The girls sang "Happy Birthday" to Katie and then they ate cake and then they left. This is where they ate. Katie. This is great and all, spending birthday time with your daughter and, uh, her friend, but I hope also that you maybe went to dinner with some grownups? At a place that is not a "purveyor of yumm"? Just because, y'know, it's nice to have balance. Like hopefully you at least went and got a drink with some people from your play? Maybe just a nice Maker's neat at some quiet bar with Judy Greer? At the Paramount or something? I hope so, anyway. I think a 34-year-old should try to have that if possible. If you can't get a babysitter, bring Suri to dinner! Spend time with her and some adults. It's for the best. [Page Six]

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Katie Holmes is 34, and Brad Pitt is 49. Yes, he is but a year away from 50 today, which means we'll all soon be wrinkled and buried in the ground. It's just a fact. Pitt says that he's "given a lot of thought to" turning 50, and that "being a father, everything is time allocation for me now." Which makes sense. Seems like a solid approach. He's got it figured out, all this dad stuff. Though, who knows. Maybe his only social activity on his birthday is eating pancakes with his kids too. Pitt then went on this was onGood Morning America, speaking of important time allocation to saythe following about his philosophy of dealing with the notion of Santa in front of his children: "What I tell the kids is some people believe it's Santa, and some people believe it's parents, and you get to believe whatever you want." Which is a very diplomatic approach, certainly. But maybe not as fun? I don't know. As a kid I certainly always had my doubts about Santa, and in some ways I still do, but my parents were pretty determined to keep up the ruse as long as possible, and that was kind of what was fun about it. It was a game, almost. But, different strokes. Who am I to tell people how to raise their kids and live their lives? Sorry, Katie. Sorry, Brad. I can't even take care of the idea of getting a houseplant. What do I know? Yeesh. [Us Weekly]

Miley Cyrus apparently had a couple strippers at her 20th birthday party a little while back, and now there's a picture of her grabbing one of the strippers' butts that's made its way onto the common Internet. She's making a silly expression and squeezing the faceless woman's behind. Cyrus tweeted about strippers around her birthday, saying "if I don't get atleast one big booty hoe my friends are officially not my friends anymore." Which I'm told is a reference to a 2 Chainz song. And which and sorry if I'm being a little Stevie Sensitivie here kind of smacks of two things: one, an irksome appropriation of a culture, and a particularly misogynistic word, that Miley Cyrus has absolutely no experiential connection with; and, two, and more importantly, all the jokey tweeting about strippers and grabbing their butts for silly photos and all that kind of reeks of a certain kind of classicism that is super gross. Like, are you really enjoying this "big booty hoe," Miley? Or is she, a human person, there just because it makes things seem wild and cool and funny? I know that probably a lot of strippers are used to being made to feel like wacky party favors, but that doesn't mean you have to do it, too. It's hard to say that there's a wrong way to hire a stripper for a party, because that's what strippers who make house calls do for a living, but something about this just doesn't sit right with me. I'm probably not articulating it well, but maybe someone out there knows what I mean. It seems like a performance, it seems like the way dumb kids talk "ghetto" to be funny, and in doing so completely dismiss entire cultures and economic strata. It just seems very obnoxious to me, this business with Miley Cyrus and her hilarious stripper parties. You know? Maybe not. Sigh.! Sorry. [! TMZ]

Rihanna has bought a large new home in the Pacific Palisades for a whopping $12 million, and there are pictures! It's big and seems open and airy and light and there is a ridiculous outdoor area with a pool/fountain thing and what looks to be a compound of a poolhouse. There are also apparently 20 parking spots, for when she wants to have friends over, which I'm sure will never happen. She doesn't seem like a very social type. Maybe she and Katie Holmes could be friends, going to tea and eating sweets together and napping with both hands under their heads in matching window seats or something. Could be fun. But, yes, congratulations to Rihanna on her new house. It is bigger than some high schools and probably a real bitch to clean, but that's OK. Some people dream of West Village brownstones with little back gardens and roof decks, others dream of living in Sky Harbor. And both dreams are just fine. [Us Weekly]

Los An! geles rad! io stations have pulled Foster the People's song "Pumped Up Kicks" from the airwaves following the Newtown shootings, because the lyrics are apparently about a school shooting. Hmm. I had never noticed that before, but yup, here are the lyrics: "All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, / You better run, better run, outrun my gun. / All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, / You better run, better run, faster than my bullet." Ah, well, yes. There it is right there, isn't it. Couldn't really tell from the song's laidback danciness or the term "pumped up kicks," but apparently the band wrote it to "bring awareness to gun violence in schools." Which... cool song, guys. Cool way to present that material, in a way that would get you played on Kiss FM stations. But it's gone now, from some stations at least. Meanwhile Ke$ha has responded to her single "Die Young" being yanked from the radio, saying on Twitter, "I had my very own issues with 'die young' for this reason. I did NOT want to sing those lyrics and I was FORCED TO." Which, what?? Ha, no. No you were not "forced" to sing anything. That is nonsense. Come on. Don't be a child. She's credited as a writer on the song. She didn't know this was going to happen, obviously, so she should just say that instead of weirdly lying and backpedaling. Well, she figured out that she didn't look great by saying that, so she deleted that tweet and now has simply said, "I'm so so so sorry for anyone who has been effected by this tragedy.and I understand why my song is now inappropriate. words cannot express." OK. That'll do. Look, it's unfortunate timing. Any other time, the song would have done well and no one would have balked. But the thing did happen, and to try to retroactively distance yourself from the song is pretty lame. Pretty, pretty lame. But, y'know, it! is Ke$ha we're talking about here. [TMZ, TMZ]

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